THURSDAY

Five “mainlanders.” Three different flights.

Kola Champagne and cassava chips and whatever else we could find in vending machines.

Around 3:00 A.M. we were finally all gathered together, loaded with gear, in search of a rental vehicle. Lucking out with a Toyota 4-Runner, we crammed all our gear into the back and began “The Adventures of Driving with Bob.” Tired, hungry, we debated whether to get a room or head on to our camping spot. Decided to drive on. Went round and round San Juan looking for gasoline and food. We raided a station like a bunch of ravenous dogs and ripped open bags of chips and nuts and candy. Tried to sleep. Hours later into a drive that was supposed to be ninety minutes, a new day dawned, Chris takes the wheel, and we are off to the camp site…we think. Chris finds a Denny’s with a beautiful ocean view and we get tanked up for our first full day in Puerto Rico. I should have ordered grits while I could!

With the help from some locals, we finally find our camp spot. Senor Jorge allowed us to camp on a concrete pad with roof AND running water. He showed us his small fish farm not farming small fish. He was transferring two paku, large piranha-like fish. After a few moments of fish education, we eagerly threw our sleeping bags out and crashed with a wonderful torrent of rain lulling us.

After only a few hours of sleep, “Sarge” woke us up for our first trip. Sleepy-eyed, we headed out to meet Martin Hernandez and Carlos Diaz for a quick trip to Ventana, or “Window,” Cave. The cave was only a short hike up a dirt road with a beautiful gaping entrance surrounded by greenery. A petroglyph greeted us immediately, and a few more were spotted further in. Within a few minutes of borehole, the silhouettes of the cavers in front of “the window” caused me to pause. The view from the window was breathtaking. Far below lay lush fields, a stream flowing freely, and a seemingly quiet pastoral life.

We exited and re-entered through a different entrance. The extensions of a tree’s roots through an entrance caught my eye. They clung to the ceiling and had grown several feet into the cave.

On the way back down to the vehicles, Martin and Carlos educated us on the Puerto Rican “national” flower flor de maga, pomme de rossa, Taino Indians, rum, and, well, even caving. After cleaning up a bit back at the vehicles, we were off for pizza and beer and rum and vodka and Passoa, a wonderful passion fruit liqueur. I think you get the picture.

FRIDAY

Ah, there’s nothing like a wake up call from Chris Nicola. It’s not exactly the Ritz Carlton. Off to our first breakfast at a local joint. After trying to explain my thirst for lowfat milk to the waitress at Denny’s the day before, I was excited to find a half gallon of milk at the bakery so that I could learn the proper Spanish…baja en grasa. A half gallon of milk became my morning ritual. With the aid of Chris, we ordered huevos revoltillos…sin carne…cinquo…gracias. Took some convincing, but they managed to scramble us up some mighty fine eggs with onions and peppers with hunks of buttered bread.

With our bellies full, we were ready to go back to bed. Chris decided that we would wait and meet up with Martin when he got a break from his job. So back to our sleeping bags we went.

Now one wake up call from Chris a day is enough, but TWO? Eager to go caving, we gained momentum as we gathered up our things and loaded ourselves into the 4-Runner. Martin met us on the freeway and led us up a windy road to a water treatment plant where we were to leave the vehicle. After showing Chris the way to the cave, Martin went back to work and left us to our lonesome.

We hiked up alongside a water tunnel said to be built by the Spanish that was used for hydro power and water supply. The sound of the water provided a peaceful background to a beautiful hike full of wildflowers. Lantana few right in the middle of the trail. We passed the largest poinsettia I’ve ever seen. It grew alongside the road like a small tree.

We stopped briefly to explore a dam area, and Chris almost had us convinced that we had to cross the water at the top to get to the cave. But we were on to him before any of us embarked the risky, slippery walk. After a few pictures, we proceeded on to the cave…and didn’t have to risk our lives to do it.

Crossing the water by rock hopping, we stopped to investigate the cave entrance. Sorbeto, or “Soda Straw,” had previously been gated and supervised by a local conservation group called SEPRI. The gate was strong enough to withstand the powers of a hurricane; however, the earth around the gate wasn’t. An opening had washed open to the left of the concrete wall encasing the metal gate door. Chris and Martin had explained to us what a treat this visit to Sorbeto was since it had previously been very difficult to gain access into.

Once we entered, I think we all understood why a group would be so protective of it. Just a few feet from the entrance, our eyes opened wide but not as wide as our gaping mouths. Hanging from the ceiling, a gazillion soda straws decorated the cave. The formations were truly awe inspiring and the deeper we went, the more amazed we were by the cave’s beauty. Surprisingly, even with the failed gating attempt, the cave was in excellent condition, other than mud marks occasionally seen on once white areas. Beautiful bacon, flowstone, and helictites complemented the soda straws.

Even though we sauntered through the cave gazing at its jewels, sweat still seemed to take its toll on all of us. I pulled down by cotton coveralls and caved in my sports bra just to cool off. Sorbeto was the hottest cave I’ve ever been in. Even sitting for extended periods did not seem to bring on a chill.

After much photo taking and musing, we exited eager to cool off in the water flowing directly in front of the cave. I stripped down as soon as I exited (well almost, Bob was around so I tried to not stir up a frenzy) and jumped in the refreshing stream. Chris tried to warn us about some sort of river fluke that likes to crawl up into private parts and cause things to go wrong. We noticed he was fully clothed when he jumped in the water. Didn’t know if he was shy, embarrassed by his body, or just believed his own story of the scary worm.

SATURDAY

When we awoke I had no idea that the best day in Puerto Rico awaited me. We stumbled out of our stupor and met up with the local cavers at a panaderia for breakfast. Another morning of huevos revoltillos…sin carne …cinquo…gracias. It wasn’t grits but it was darn good. Off for a day on the Tanama River!

I got booted from the 4-Runner crew to ride with Martin, Carlos, and Orlando Garcia. (I wasn’t sure if Chris traded me for gear, rum, or more huevos.) After driving up and around rolling mountains, we were at a parking spot. As we were gearing up, Martin convinced me that my intended caving fashion for the day was too much for this trip. I thought we were in for a day of wet caving…TAG style, I guess…and had no idea we were about to spend most of the day floating down the river. Martin passed off his leggings in a very gentlemanly manner.

With life jackets and various other items, not to mention mountain rum, we headed up the mountain. Leaving the 4-Runner behind, the Puerto Rican crew drove us up even further into the mountains, making the mistake of letting Chris and Bob walk behind us. While waiting for the whole crew to reassemble, Carlos fed me yummy fruit right off the trail…wild frambuesa, toronjo, and naranjo.

Martin walked us up a bit further to a camp site where we met Rolando (Roly) Cardona and Maritza Castro. Yet more fruit. Martin pointed out a bread fruit tree, and Carlos cut open some yummy limes.

We all gathered back together at a bridge and almost had Ben convinced we were jumping from the bridge into the water. Martin had caught the mischievous bug that perpetually bites Chris. I must say that I got a little nervous myself there for a while. I guess that nervousness turned into my own mischief as I convinced Martin and Carlos that Gary and Ben are gay lovers. Nothing like a bit of caving humor to start off your day.

Our hike was not torturous with such beauty all around. We arrived quickly at our jumping point into the Tanama…a rock about 30 feet above the water. We all jumped with a lump in our throat, but adrenaline pumping. Then comes Bob. He stammered and wimped until Chris “threatened” him from behind (don’t ask) and I “encouraged” him from down below. That seemed to eventually persuade him to take the leap.

Tanama translates as butterfly in Taino. Floating down the Tanama was like a taste of utopia. Vivid blue sky above, lush greenery all around, friends laughing in the distance…felt like a kid again playing in Will’s Creek back home in Alabama.

Martin, Orlando, and Carlos contributed to our fun tremendously. Martin is a wonderful guide and host, always pointing out native beauty and elaborating on interesting local vegetation, cultural history, and whatever else he thought would make our trip memorable. As we approached our first cave along the river, Martin pointed out a 600 foot tyrolean temptation as well as elaborating on the Arecibo Observatory above us as the site of the world's largest single-dish radio telescope.

After body rafting along a ways, Carlos proved his manhood with boa in hand. Now Carlos is a fine specimen of Puerto Rican manhood so I’m not talking about a pink feather boa you might find at Lucky Cheng’s. This snake in your face was worse than Chris’ fictional river fluke playing tricks with your mind. Guess our “River of Eden” had to have a snake.

After a short snack break, we were ready for our first cave of the day. The mouth of the cave was huge walking passage with mossy tropical decoration around the mouth. Within a few feet of the entrance, guano dotted the rocks and the familiar sound of bat music tickled our ears. We were back in the water within a short while, and not being a strong swimmer, I seemed to remain at the back of the group. Ben hung back with me. Such indescribable beauty was well worth a slow swim, most of the time on our backs gazing up at the ceiling or sky when outside the belly of a cave.

The second cave was log jammed so we hiked around it. Coming down a hill on the other side of the cave, my clumsy self toppled down like Laura Ingalls in the opening scenes of Little House. I laughed out loud at how ridiculous I must have looked, but the laughs did not last long as I realized that I had fallen in an ant hill. I jumped in the water to wash off the little biting varmints, yet still came away with a few whopping whelts. Oh, well…I guess our Eden has ant, too.

After recuperating from my tumble, I realized we were at the exit of the log jammed cave. This cave was not as long as the first one, and I could see the light at the entrance from where we were standing. The lower entrance was gorgeous, not as gaping and awesome as the mouth of the first cave, but even more beautiful, nonetheless. An overlay of tropical plants decorated the archway of the exit. Little flowers dotted the rock with bright colors. Water gently dripped over the edge of the exit and yet poured out of other orifices along the rock. Many photos attempted to capture the magic. No film could possibly capture the feeling of the sun on your skin after a refreshing cave shower in this area.

We continued on, floating as much as we could, stumbling over river bed rock when we couldn’t. Of course, even as slow as I felt Bob always seemed to be somewhere way off in the distance behind me. Wonder if he was doing field research for his article regarding self entertainment?

Since I was trailing behind, I was surprised to come upon everyone in the group at the mouth of the next cave. In single file line, they appeared to be floating on something. I didn’t recall anyone bringing a raft so I sped up my pace to take a closer look. Another log jam! Except this time we were going through it instead of hiking around it. Everyone was on a huge log, attempting to shimmy across far enough to get around the jam. So I decided to join in on the fun and hopped on board. We soon toppled over with everyone dumped into the logjam cesspool.

Chris Nicola passed me a rusty old can of FDS among other things. Struggling to move through huge logs, old paint cans, liquor bottles, and various other disgusting debris, Chris begins harassing us with cries of, “Leeches!” He then not so gently felt my nails dig into him as I tried to climb over him. With the help of a handline, we all managed to get freed from the jam. On the other side, we all stripped off clothing and tried to bathe a bit in the river to rid ourselves of old leaves and rotten bark. I guess Eden not only has snakes and ants but also garbage.

Cleaned up and rested a bit, we continued on, leaving the nightmare logjam behind us. Martin determined that rain was brewing up ahead and decide to lead us out of the river. Just so happened that we happened to be at a trailhead they were familiar with for a convenient exit. He said that if we continued on, we would have miles to go before the next exit.

As soon as we began leaving the river, the rain began to fall. Of course, Bob lagged way behind so Ben waited for him and had to convince him to head up the trail to catch up with the rest of us. We hiked in a lovely Puerto Rican afternoon torrent. Soaked, we still reveled in the beauty of the forest, and Martin continued to educate us on local fruits and flora. We tasted yet more fruit, including corazon, guayaba, and mandarina. We saw achiote and higuera.

We finally came out onto a road. The rain had stopped. We hiked up and down hills and must have been an interesting looking group with hard hats, life jackets, packs, soaking wet. That didn’t stop us from buying a few round of drinks at a bar we stumbled upon. Sitting outside with Heineken bottles piled all around from previous guests, we passed around six packs of Coors Light and a bottle or two of Granada rum. Giddy already from a fabulous day, the libations only contributed to our euphoria.

Even Bob had a few drinks…a Coors Light with each drink chased by Granada. Continuing on our trek back to the vehicles, we saw Bob move faster than any of us had ever experienced. He literally ran up and down the hills, tripping and falling a time or two, and giving us all deep belly laughs. The Puerto Rican guys had finally discovered the secret to making him move…Granada! Bob stayed at the forefront of the group all the way back.

To top it off, on the way “home” we stopped at a local stand and had mofongo. The day wouldn’t be complete without a nightcap so we stopped by again at Jimmy’s Pizzeria and had a few Medailla, some rum and Passoa. Martin kindly passed along a wine bottle with a surprise inside for me. Mountain rum! A souvenir! What a day!

SUNDAY

For our last day of caving, Carlos and Roly took us to Dugong. Dugong is the ancestor of the manatee whose fossil remains gave the cave its title. We piled in Roly’s Jeep and plunged deep into the forest. I made the mistake of caving with my polypro leggings on and had way too many burrs in my butt when we finally stopped.

Carlos came along to help guide us to the cave and get us rigged. Roly stayed to cave with us. Since the rest of the guys have wives and kids, they took Sunday off from caving.

To get to Dugong, we descended a rope about 30 feet off a bluff. The cave entrance was only a few feet from the bottom of the drop. For Ben’s first descent, Chris had given him a knots lesson that morning. He downclimbed on knots with relative ease, but was eager for mechanical gear for the ascent.

Chris and Bob decided to spelunker around on their own so as not to slow up Roly. Roly led the rest of us into the cave where we were soon wading in water. We came to a siphon spot where Roly in his broken English asked me, “Tonya, you no swim?” That was my cue that I should go no further. He and Gary proceeded, leaving Ben with me.

We watch them dunk into the siphon with bats flying out of the opening. The cave was relatively warm so hanging out in the water didn’t chill us too much. I may not have seen the dugong fossils, but I did see a shark tooth. After investigating the details of the walls, we decided to head to higher ground out of the water. I took the opportunity to pull of boots and rinse out the pebbles from the mud slumps we had waded through.

Shortly, Gary and Roly returned. Gary said that I could have scaled the sides of the cave in the deep section, but I decided to take it easy so Ben and Gary left Roly with me so Gary could show Ben the passageway. Hhhmmmm…that’s how those nasty rumors get started! Roly and I attempted to communicate and resorted to body language as he made pelvic thrust movements and pointed in question towards Ben and Gary. I raised my eyebrows and nodded affirmatively. (hee hee)

Near the entrance, we ran into Chris and Bob who had taken a wrong turn and ended up in a supercharged histo haven. Chris commented how the temperature had noticeably risen in the area before they realized where they were. Bob managed to hold his breath, run in, snap a photo, and run back out. This was perhaps the second fastest Bob had moved in Puerto Rico.

We were back at the vehicles with a lot of late afternoon sun and eager for our last supper in Puerto Rico. Before hooking up with the guys and their families for a farewell dinner at Ponderosa, we stopped for our first visit to the beach. Bob said he needed to stop and give thanks back to the earth for the trip. I think we each had a spiritual moment in our own way under the starlight.

After dinner, we couldn’t resist one last drink at Fifo’s before packing gear. Martin met up with us briefly and gave handcarved wooden gifts to Chris, Bob, and me. Bob’s was some sort of shahman drug related carving and mine oddly enough was described as a cemi-Y’ocahu’, a lovely peice carved from guayacan or “blessed tree.” Cemi means “forehead of the Lord” with Y'ocahu' as “Spirit of the Sacred Mountain of the Yuca,” one of the names for the Creator. This design was used, according to Martin, as part of a Taino cure for syphilis. Hhhmmm…had my mischief with Ben and Gary turned on me?

MONDAY

Since Gary had the earliest flight out, we got up early, loaded up and headed back to San Juan. After dropping off Gary, the rest of us headed to El Yunque National Rainforest for a quick jaunt before our flights. Chris and Bob headed off up a stream to hike around a bit. Ben and I decided to take it easy and bathed and napped on rocks in the stream. Soaking in some sun was the perfect ending to our trip. However, I managed to get some burn on my legs for a not so comfortable trip home. Along with a snake, I guess Eden also includes sunburns…not to mention the start of lasting new friendships.